You Don’t Have to Fix Everyone

Have you ever found yourself more invested in someone else’s life than they are?

In this episode of Psychic Whispers, Mesina explores the subtle ways we slip into trying to “fix” the people we care about — often without even realising it. From relationships to friendships, she unpacks how empathy, intuition, and emotional awareness can turn into over-responsibility.

With honesty, warmth, and a touch of humour, Mesina shares her own observations and experiences, including why we’re often drawn to people we feel we can help, and how easily love can become tied to potential rather than reality.

This is a gentle, non-judgemental conversation about boundaries, self-awareness, and learning to care about others without carrying them.

If you’ve ever felt emotionally drained, overly responsible, or caught in a cycle of trying to help someone who isn’t ready to change — this episode will help you come back to yourself.

Ways to Connect with Mesina: 

Website: https://psychic-whispers.com 

Book a Reading: https://psychic-whispers.com/collections/all

Join The Circle on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/psychicwhispers

Email: mesina@psychic-whispers.com

Socials: @mesinasanders

New episodes every Wednesday 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello, and welcome to the Psychic Whispers Podcast. Hello, lovely soul, and welcome back to Psychic Whispers. Now, today I want to talk about something that many of us, I think, have experienced sometimes without even realizing we're doing it. And that is trying to fix other people. Now, let's get it straight. We don't call it that. We call it, I'm just being supportive. I care about them. And I can see their potential, all of which is very kind, incredibly well-intentioned. And yet somehow we end up exhausted. We also end up a little bit frustrated and wondering how we became so involved in something that was really never ours to carry in the first place. I'm going to be really honest. I have done this more than once in my life with full confidence that I was simply being a thoughtful, supportive person. And then there came that moment when I had to stop and ask myself, why am I more invested in this situation than the person actually living it? That was a really honest moment with myself. And coming to the understanding that's what was going on. Yeah, I definitely realized that there was time to take a bit of a back seat. Things like this usually start really innocently. You know, someone shares what's going on in their life and you listen. And you're a caring person. So you do what's best. You care. And then a thought appears. I know exactly what they should do here. And then you begin to piece things together. You can see the pattern, maybe. Then you can see the solution. And before long, you're mentally working through their situation as though it's yours to solve. All coming, by the way, from such a beautiful intentioned space. It's as if a small project suddenly opens in your mind. Resolve this person's life. And the problem is that project never quite closes. And don't get me wrong, I don't think we're all running around believing we're project managers, needing to take on a new job. I think it comes from a much deeper emotional space. And it comes from a really lovely intention. Even if your reasons behind it, the seed of that comes from something completely different. We arrive in this present space in the intention to help and aid and support someone. I think that's nice. But it gets too much. We definitely take on far too much in that role. Now, let me get real with you. At first, it feels good. There's a sense of purpose in it. You feel helpful, maybe valuable and needed. But there is this fine line between caring about somebody and carrying them. And that line can become blurred very quickly. And if we're really, really honest, and this is the thing that I notice the most in readings, the place that this shows up the most intensely is in romantic relationships, hands down. I see this a lot in the work that I do and when I sit with people. And this is the place where it becomes so much easier to convince ourselves that we're not fixing someone. We're simply loving them. You meet someone, there's a connection, and you could you can see who they could be. Not just who they are now, but their potential. Before long, you're not just relating to the person in your life, but you're relating to the version of them you hope they will grow into. At some point, you know, you realize you've taken on a role you never formally agreed to, partner and part-time emotional renovation specialist. And it feels like love. It's it feels like patience and depth. But over time, it can begin to feel really heavy because you are investing energy into a version of someone that doesn't fully exist yet. Now, let me let you in on a little secret that I've learned, a really baffling secret in all the years that I've been doing this work. Not everyone wants to fulfill their potential. And even more baffling, not everyone is trying to actively be happy. And for us project managers, that's bad news. Because this version of them that we're investing ourselves in, this possibility, if only they had the right support, becomes non-existent. And until someone is ready to fulfill their potential on their own, off their own steam, we're just doing the legwork and exhausting ourselves for something that isn't happening. For some people, that's not just disheartening, that's soul crushing. It's really hard to come to that space. And it feels a little rejecting, if I'm honest. You know, there's people that really feel rejected because of that, because of the energy, the love, the time they've dedicated to trying to help and support in that way. So why is it some people just seem to attract this over and over? For some out there, some of you chronic project managers, I began to notice something over time. You know, this pattern is rarely random. Sometimes it just comes from being naturally empathetic. You understand people deeply and you can see beyond the surface. Sometimes it runs a little deeper than that. Sometimes we've learned that love is something we give through effort and patience, through being the one who holds everything together. And sometimes being the one who fixes or supports gives us a sense of stability. Because if we can help things improve, everything feels a little bit more balanced and maybe even in control. And you know, there's so many who are just wanting to be loved and appreciated and valued and maybe even supported themselves. And this investment in someone to this level is kind of like a convincing ourselves that the exchange is going to happen, that by being the supporter, the one who carries the weight, we're somehow going to be loved more deeply. We'll have more security in that love. We have less chance of rejection. And this beautiful exchange of energy that says, maybe I'll get the support that I need, they'll recognize what I've done and I'll get it back in some way out of love from them. The difficulty with that is that this dynamic doesn't create balance. It actually creates pressure. You know, when I connect with people in this space, and I've seen this so many times in readings, someone will talk about someone in their life, and I can feel it almost immediately. There's connection, but there's also entanglement, the emotional, mental, and energetic entanglement. And you know, the truth is that there's moments when I find myself thinking, there is a great deal of emotional effort being given to someone who hasn't decided to even meet you halfway. That's the truth. And it's tough for me to see someone giving with their whole heart, trying so hard to just love unconditionally, support to the ends of the earth, and find themselves not getting back in the way that they truly need it. And I know that people are not giving in order to receive. I'm aware of that. But in relationships, we do have an expectation, as we should, that there's a give and take that we invest in people emotionally, we love them, we support them, and that we are going to receive that support, that love back. That's how it should be. That's where balance is. You can understand someone, you can see what they need, you can even explain it really clearly to them. But let me be heard here. You cannot do that work for them. People embrace change when they are ready, not when we have explained it perfectly. I think we all want a mic drop moment. We want to go, here's your answer. And we want that person to go, oh my gosh, that's it. And it's hard when you realize that it has to come from them. I mean, you know those conversations when you've said the same thing more than once in different ways, on different days, and nothing changes, not even a shift. And you begin to wonder if you're just not explaining it clearly enough. But more often than not, it has been understood. The person does get it. They just don't have the capacity to act on it. They're not ready. And then I think something in us begins to soften here when you realize I can care about you, I can listen to you, I can support you, but I do not have to carry the outcome. You know, for those of us who've been offering full emotional support packages with no boundaries and no closing hours, that is a lot to hold. Now, here's the truth. You don't need to become distant to protect yourself. You don't need to stop caring. That's not what we're saying at all. You just need to return to your own center and trust that other people are responsible for their own growth, even if that means allowing them to find their way in their own time. And when it comes to romantic relationships, I cannot stress enough. We need to fully embrace our partners in the space that they are in, not their potential. You need to be judging your potential match in the current right now space. You need to not let people's backstory, their histories, define their current behavior. No excusing people for the stuff that they've been through. Because the truth is, if they've been through a lot, they need to do the work to overcome the challenges that may have come with that. And when we begin to start seeing people in their current energetic right now space, we actually get to love them fully. Because here's another hard truth. I'm gonna be really real here, and it's not gonna be nice. But you know, I'll deliver it in the best way that I can. When you're loving someone's potential, you're not loving them fully. You're loving a dream. And when you see someone for who they are, you get to embrace them completely. Letting people get there in their own time is the only thing we can do. And until then, if you don't feel you can love fully the person that they are right now, then that's not a match for you, whether that's your partner, your friend, or a family member. It's okay if people don't completely align. We don't need to walk around being completely perfect matches. But if someone truly does misalign in a very big way, don't hold out for their potential. Be honest. It's information for you. What you do with that is your choice. But it may help you shift gears enough to actually invite some change into the dynamic between you or give you the strength and the information that you have to say, maybe we just, you know, put a pin in it for here, right now. Because sometimes the most supportive thing that you can do is take a step back. And if you take a step back into yourself, let me tell you something. You have the potential to inspire others around you without even realizing it. And honestly, I think that's pretty cool. Now, before you go, if you enjoy these conversations, then you can find more of my work at psychic whispers.com. And if you want to explore these ideas more deeply with me, you're always welcome inside my Patreon, Psychic Whispers. All the links are right there in the show notes. Now, until next time, trust your path, honor your truth, and always keep listening.