Letting Go of The Need for Validation

How often do we say we trust ourselves… but still find ourselves looking for confirmation?

In this episode of Psychic Whispers, Mesina explores the subtle ways the need for validation shows up in everyday life — from second-guessing decisions to reading into other people’s reactions more than our own.

With honesty, warmth, and real-life insight, she talks about why we look for validation in the first place, how it can pull us away from our own knowing, and what it looks like to gently come back to ourselves.

This isn’t about shutting people out or ignoring advice — it’s about learning to listen without losing your direction. Understanding where other people are coming from, while still staying grounded in what feels right for you.

If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Am I doing the right thing?” — this conversation will feel very familiar.

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Email: mesina@psychic-whispers.com

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello, and welcome to the Psychic Whispers podcast. Hello, beautiful soul, and welcome back to Psychic Whispers. Now, today I want to talk about something that I see probably the most. No, I do see the most in my readings and the work that I do. And it's something that I don't think any of us really realize we're doing, actually, when we think about it. And you know what it is? How often we look for validation. So it's not always obvious. It's not in this tell me I'm amazing kind of way. But in those moments when you've made a decision and then you just casually mention it to someone, but you're listening. You're listening for that tone, that reaction. That little, yeah, that sounds right. You know, when you say something like, I'm gonna do this, and then you announce the big thing, right? But there's a small part of you waiting for them to go, oh, yeah, definitely, that's the thing. There's just that little part of us kind of holding space for whatever the reaction is gonna be. And if they don't, if that's not the reaction that you get, you feel it. Even if it's just subtle, you definitely notice because we're looking for it. You know, we say that we trust ourselves, but just to be safe, we'll run it past like, you know, 10 people. Just like a quick check, a small panel of advisors, you know, nothing serious. You know, the truth is we're all guilty. I started to notice this in myself first. You know, the moment after I'd already decided something, and then I'd still go looking for confirmation. I'm still talking about it, listening into what kind of reactions I might have gotten. I did that for a very long time. And I think there's even times now where I find myself, you know, leaning into that validation. And it's not because I didn't know. It's it was because I truly didn't trust what I knew. I mean, I I did, but I didn't, you know? I just kind of wanted this guaranteed start or this guarantee in general on the decision that I'd made or the project I was thinking about. You just kind of put the feels out there, don't you, to get that feedback. And I think we become quite addicted, if I'm honest, to that feedback. And you know, the part that I think is really easy to miss is that it's not always about needing approval. I don't think we're looking necessarily for everyone's thumbs up, like absolutely I approve, stamp, boom, done. It's actually about wanting to feel certain. You know, certainty feels safe. That's just how it is. It just feels good. So we look for it outside of ourselves because what we think matters. But if a collective group of people think yes, we're like, absolutely, I'm not in the wrong. We feel the guarantee that we need to kind of get going or to lean in to the decision. And this shows up in really normal ways. Over explaining something you've already decided, replaying a conversation afterwards, maybe second guessing yourself based on someone's reaction. And relationships, that is where it really, really comes alive. In relationships, you know, you say something to someone that you care about, and then you find yourself paying more attention to how they respond than to how you felt when you said it. Or making choices and suddenly it feels much less clear, depending on their reaction, how heavily we let that influence us. And it's not only what I've realized over time, it's what I see time and time again in readings. So much of the time, we already knew. We know this stuff. That first feeling, that really internal sense of this is right or this doesn't sit well, that was it. That was your intuition already answering that. You already knew what you need or needed at the time. But we just don't always trust that straight away. The amount of times in readings that someone will ask a question and I can just feel it immediately, they already know. They already know the answer to what they're asking, but they just want it confirmed. There's just a part of them, a little piece of them that just wants to know that what they're thinking or feeling is the right thing. And I completely get that. You know, when things are a big deal, we want to know we're getting it right. Totally understand that. You know, and I can't help it. I'm sitting here thinking, you've already had this conversation with you. I don't say that, but you know, of course, that's what you're thinking. You can tell. I'm like, you already know. But you know, what they're really asking is, can you can you just tell me I'm not wrong? I don't want to get it wrong. I'm like, fair enough, you know, I get that. But you know, there's this point that arrives where there's a big perspective shift. And it's that moment, if you've ever come to it, where you begin to realize really no one else can give you the certainty that you're looking for. They can't. People can support you, they can offer perspective, but they can't replace your own knowing. Have you ever asked someone for advice and then they say something completely different to what you expected, and your immediate reaction is no, that does not feel right. That moment, that's your clarity. That's not you not wanting to hear what you're hearing, not always. But there's a moment within you when you are hearing something that doesn't align, and you know. And I think we've all been there too, and we have been given advice that we don't want to hear. Let's be real. You know, your best friend's gone, absolutely, that's not the person for you. That's not the person, and you don't want to hear it. That's not what you wish for, but you know within you that they're right, even if you don't admit it. And you're defending yourself and justifying, well, no, no, no. This person's great with this and that, and I love that and this and all these qualities that are amazing. And you know they're right. You can feel it. That's also a clarity. We just choose to ignore those things. But I want you to lean into the difference of what that feels like. You know, getting that external validation and someone saying something that you're just not aligning with that isn't right and you know it, versus I really don't want to hear this because it's bursting my bubble, but you know it is right. We've been been in those situations, I think all of us, from both points. So if you can recall two situations in your life where you felt those two things, you'll know the difference. But learning to recognize when you're getting that feeling of that doesn't align with me, and this is the part where things actually start to change. It's one thing to notice that okay, that doesn't work, but it's another thing to move through it differently. So how do we change things? How do we stop seeking the validation and just shift into maybe constructive feedback, right? How do we take it a different way? Not easy. But the one thing that I started started doing first was that moment that I wanted to ask someone else, that urge to engage that conversation or message someone or or just to say, what do you think? And just pausing for a second, just before I hit that button or that mouth open and asking myself, what do I actually think about this? What's my baseline? Not absolutely perfect, just in all honesty, what do I think? And I want you, and as I did, to sit with your own answer. Because sometimes that answer is immediate. You know, if you've got creases to iron out, you'll you'll know you do. If you think, I've just not thought this through, you'll know that. It, you know, there will be a moment of it's still piecing together. If it feels right, you'll know. It just feels right within you if it gets you excited, if it lifts you up, if it's expanding your energy, you're just gonna know. Sometimes the answer is really, you know, subtle. Intuition often is. I I we've said it before. I'll say it again. It's not very loud. So just giving yourself that moment starts to build some trust. What you're training yourself to do is say, I can listen to me first. Because I want you to listen to you first. This is your life. It's your decision or your move. You need to make this from you. And it has to feel good and it has to fuel you in some way. And like I said earlier, the one thing that I notice is how often people already have the answer. I certainly noticed that in myself. I already had the answer. It was just under everything else, whether that was just a pile of doubt, worry, concern, you know, it's lurking underneath all of that other stuff, right? And I noticed for me that when I feel that pull for validation, I check in with my intuition first. Do I already know? That's the first question I ask. Now, for me, checking in with my intuition is my first protocol. I don't involve anyone else until I know how I feel intuitively. Now, obviously, I know what you're saying, Messina. You're a psychic medium. Your intuition is something you're using on a daily basis. You're right. I am. That's my job. But way before that, and way before anything else, I am a person. And I have learned and taught myself to check in with myself intuitively first. And I encourage you to do the same because most of the time I know. I know whether this works, whether it's aligned with me, whether I deeply know the answer, whether I've figured it all out. I know deep down. And I trust that now more than ever. And you can do the same thing. You don't have to be a psychic medium to make your intuition your first protocol, your first point of action to checking in. Is this right? Because that intuition is going to tell you probably more accurately than anybody else is going to be able to do. Now, this is important. So hear me out. You don't have to stop talking to people. You can still ask for perspective a hundred percent. It just needs to shift from a mode of tell me what to do into this is what I'm thinking. What do you see? There's a totally different energy in that. So we can bounce things off of people successfully without it diverting us from the pathway. But instead of handing your power over, you're opening the conversation. You're inviting that energy in to bounce things off. It's great. It's so helpful and can be with the right people. And I'm gonna say the right people because there's something else that I've come to understand over time. And I say all of this with such love. But people's reactions aren't always about you being right or wrong. Sometimes it's about them. Sometimes someone is questioning you or worries or hesitates because they care, because they love you. They want you to be safe. And sometimes it's because they're projecting their own fears, their own experiences, what they would feel in that situation, or rather, sometimes what they feel about you in the situation if they're being, let's say, overprotective. You might share a decision and that person responds with concern. And it would be very easy to take that as maybe I'm doing the wrong thing. But sometimes what they're actually doing is saying to you, I would feel scared doing that. And those are very different things. And this is another really important shift, okay? Because once you start trusting yourself more, you will notice something. Not everyone will understand your decisions. Not everyone will respond in a way that feels supportive. And that doesn't mean you're wrong. It just means you're stepping into something that feels right for you. So instead of being caught off guard by that, you can prepare for it. Not in a defensive way, not of that, but just an aware way. This is where I would love for you to remind yourself of a couple of things. Number one, people may respond from their own fear. Okay. They might respond from their own limits. They might respond from love, but it also might be from protection. And then you listen. If you listen with awareness, you're more likely to see where it's coming from. And you're more likely, therefore, to either take the advice in the bits that really did align with you, or just be conscious that someone is acting from another space than just, here's my advice. It might be, I don't want you to go far, or I'm scared for you, or I'm uncomfortable with that. Again, recognizing that some of the spaces that they're coming from are not just a point-blank clean slate, let's see the situation for as it is, and being as objective as they could be. They could be emotional. And that is a very different space to be giving advice. Sometimes it's exactly the space to be giving advice, but sometimes not. And I think it's really important that we begin to discern. We're not going to listen through the lens of, do they approve? But through the lens instead of, is there something useful here for me? And I think that really shifts things for all of us and we can begin to hear people in the ways that we should hear them. And sometimes even in the ways that maybe we shouldn't. Because even if they're coming from those spaces, there may be something valuable for you. You don't dismiss that. A perspective, maybe that you hadn't considered, a practical point, or something that helps you refine your path. And when that happens, absolutely take it in. Because anything that's going to help you avoid a pitfall or strengthen the journey, 1000% take that on board. But if it doesn't align, you let that pass without it shaking your decision. At the end of the day, this is you living your life, not the people that are giving you their opinions. And some of us, well, we're bigger risk takers. And some of us aren't. And some of us love hard and some of us think first. And it's really important that we recognize the differences that we have in each other and how we can complement and how those people can complement you in your life by bringing perspectives to your table. But ultimately, you're you. You have to do this your way. And when we write the script, we tend to enjoy the story so much better. You don't stop caring what people think. You just stop needing it to decide how you feel. And when you come back to yourself first, you know, things feel a lot steadier that way. They feel clearer and a heck of a lot more grounded. Not because everything is certain, but because it's aligned with you. Before you go, if you enjoyed these conversations, then you can find more of my work at psychic-wispers.com. And if you'd like to explore this a little deeper, you're always welcome inside my Patreon, Psychic Whispers, where we continue these conversations together. All the links are right there in the show notes. Now trust your path, honor your truth, and always keep listening.