Why Peace Feels So Uncomfortable

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We spend so much of our lives searching for peace.

Yet when life finally calms down, some of us don’t quite know what to do with it.

In this episode, we’re talking about why peace can feel uncomfortable, why we sometimes mistake chaos for excitement, and what happens when we’ve spent so long surviving that calm starts to feel unfamiliar.

What if the thing you’re calling boredom is actually peace?

What if nothing is wrong?

And what if learning to receive peace is just as important as creating it?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello, and welcome to the Psychic Whispers Podcast. Hello, hello, and welcome back to Psychic Whispers. Okay, I want to talk today about something that I have noticed about people. I'm not going to exclude myself in this conversation, as always. I have also been guilty. I have done this. I've watched other people do it. I've watched clients do it. I've watched my friends do it. And once you see it, you can't unsee it. Just let me be clear. Are you ready? Sometimes we get exactly what we've been asking for and then immediately start looking for a problem. Now, if you're sat there thinking, Messina, I would never do that. Just stay with me to the end of this episode. Because I suspect that by then you might recognize yourself somewhere in this conversation. It maybe not now, maybe past you, maybe present you, but some point I think there might be some takeaways that you've seen in yourself too without realizing it. Okay, so here's what I mean. Have you ever desperately wanted something like a relationship or a new job, more money, less stress, wouldn't we all, a quieter life, you know, more freedom, more peace. You spend months, maybe even years, telling yourself that if only this thing happened, everything would feel better. And then one day it arrives. And instead of feeling completely relaxed and blissful, you feel uncomfortable, restless, unsure, probably even suspicious. Almost like you're waiting for the catch. You're waiting for something to go wrong. You're waiting for life to tap you on the shoulder and say, only joking. Because if you've ever felt that way, guess what? You're not broken. You're not weird or strange. You're human. And I think one of the biggest misconceptions we have is that peace feels amazing immediately. And you know what? Sometimes it does. But sometimes peace feels weird. Let's be real. Because chaos is familiar. And if you've listened to a few of these episodes in my podcast, you'll know that I've mentioned a couple of times when things feel familiar, even when they're not great for us, we s tend to flock to it. Even if familiar is like absolutely not anything close to what we want. So let's talk about this for a minute. Because chaos gets this bad reputation, okay? But chaos does something really useful. It gives us something to focus on. Maybe even a problem to solve. It gives us a reason to stay busy. It even gives us like a mission. Chaos is loud, it's really demanding and it grabs our attention. Peace doesn't. Peace is super quiet. And you know what? Sometimes that quiet can feel deeply uncomfortable, especially when we're used to chaos, or chaos has been rolling the roost for a significant period of time. Have you ever had one of those rare weeks where everything is actually okay? Nobody's angry or upset. You know, your bills are paid, the relationship that you're in is fine. The children, if you've got any, are not causing chaos. Work is just ticking along. Nothing dramatic is happening. And somehow your brain just makes this connection and goes, well, this is suspicious. And maybe suddenly you're checking things. You're questioning stuff, looking for problems, creating worries that really weren't there five minutes ago. And I think a lot of us do this more than we'd like to admit. You know, part of the reason is that we become very used to living in a state of anticipation. We're waiting for the next problem or the next challenge or crisis, the next, you know, disappointment. Because life has kind of showed us that these things are possibly imminent. Adult life goes, guess what? Things can change any given given moment. Just wait. So when life becomes calm, we don't quite know what to do with ourselves. Let's be honest. Now I hear some of you out there, some of you listening right now, you'll be saying to me, not me, Messina, uh-uh. I love peace. And honestly, good. There are absolutely people who thrive in peace. They're, you know, they protect it fiercely. There's people who've learned that peace is one of the most valuable things they could create in their life. And I think that's beautiful. But I also think that many people spend years learning how to survive chaos and almost no time learning how to sit comfortably in peace. And those are really different skills. I wish somebody was guiding us on this, right? Right from the early stages of our life. That would be so nice. So let's talk about relationships for a moment because this is where I see it playing out all the time. I hear it a lot. You know, someone spends years saying, I just want somebody kind or I want somebody consistent. I just want honesty. I just want somebody who knows what they want. And then they meet them. Hey, hey, nice, right? And six months later, they're saying, you know what, I don't know. It feels different. Something's missing. Now, before anybody starts sending angry messages, let me be clear. Because sometimes something genuinely is missing. Okay, fair. I can get that. Sometimes a relationship just isn't right, fair enough. Sometimes there are real issues. Fine. But sometimes nothing's missing. Nothing at all. That relationship isn't lacking connection. It's not lacking chemistry. It's not lacking love. It's, you know what it's lacking? It's lacking emotional whiplash. Okay. Because emotional whiplash feels kind of familiar. Peace starts to feel a little weird in relationships when you're used to that emotional roller coaster with someone. I've seen people mistake anxiety for chemistry or intensity for connection or chaos for passion, and then wonder why a healthy relationship feels different. You know, of course they feel different. That's the whole point. They're different. So here's a little truth. If you have had relationships from whatever period of your life onwards, you know, whether it's from your childhood, whether it's from your early adulthood, your love life, especially love, and those relationships have been really chaotic and intense, you know, just sometimes not for the right reasons. It is really difficult to sit in what I would consider what anyone might say, hey, that's kind of a normal relationship, and feel secure. Because the truth is those chaotic relationships can become a little weirdly addicting. They become kind of validating, right? We mistake that chaos for some kind of person's desire or their need of us. You know, oh, look, I'm needed here. They need help, they need support, they have had a rough time in their life, and I'm the one that maybe is gonna fix that. Whatever the dialogue is, we have a lot of things that we label and excuse, you know, chaotic behavior. And we begin to use that as validation for our their need of us or want, desire, or love, which makes it really, really hard to get into healthy dynamics and then feel settled because we're waiting for a validation that we've previously had in the past that isn't meant to show up. I mean, let's be clear, it wasn't validation in the first place, but somehow our mind, our brain, and our connection has made connected some dots that said, you know, I felt that intense love. I felt that intense connection, that intense want. And thus, and I think that's really powerful. We need to give that a little bit of time and space in our life to clear. Because if we can't get to grips with that, then what would be perceived as a normal, healthy relationship might suddenly feel a little flat, kind of boring, you know, because you're waiting for something that really isn't good for us to show up. But this stuff doesn't just live in relationships. In fact, it extends far beyond that. It can show up in our career. How many people spend years dreaming about having less stress? I think most of us can relate to that, right? I think we've all been there at some point. But then maybe we finally get a calmer job. And then we start wondering whether we're being productive enough. Are we being ambitious enough? Should we be doing more? Are we falling behind? It's like we become so accustomed to pressure that we don't know how to function without it. And sometimes, even between talking to our friends or our family, or sometimes social media, we get the message loud and clear that these things feel normal. Yeah, that's normal to be stressed at work or, you know, to want a peaceful life. Of course we do. We all want that. But, you know, that's not the reality, is kind of the con that we tell ourselves. And we get that validated in the world of communication. You know, the thing about peace is that it's often so quiet. It's ordinary, maybe even a little unremarkable. And yet, some of the happiest people that I know live very ordinary lives. Or they've lived very extraordinary lives very well. But it's not because their lives are lacking any meaning, but because they stopped confusing drama with meaning. And that's worth thinking about. Somewhere we might have been sold this idea that life should feel constantly exciting, that growth should be, you know, super dramatic, and transformation should feel magical. Happiness should feel euphoric, like the top of the mountain kind of happy. And when life becomes a little calmer than that, we assume maybe we're not doing it right. Maybe something's wrong. What if nothing's wrong? What if the thing you're calling boredom is actually peace? What if the thing you're calling nothing happening is stability? What if the thing you're calling out something feels off, is simply life not being on fire for once? And here's the thing that I've noticed in my years of working with people the people who seem and feel the most content are often the people who've learned how to appreciate very ordinary moments, whether that's a quiet morning or a stable relationship, a peaceful home environment, a routine that they really enjoy. A sense of just enough in themselves. And that word is important enough because we are constantly encouraged to chase more, more success, more achievement, more healing, more growth, more everything. I mean, I encourage people to grow, of course I do. I want us all to grow. I am not suggesting we stop growing. And growth is wonderful, but there does come a point where constantly chasing the next thing can stop us appreciating the thing we've already created. Like I said, I want to be really careful here. This is not an argument against ambition. Okay, I encourage that through and through, especially if what you're being ambitious about is going to bring you some joy and fulfills you. This is not me saying, don't pursue your dreams. You should all know by now that is completely not my style. I mean, last week's episode was literally about creating the life you want. But this is about something a little different. This is about recognizing that once you start creating that life, you also need to learn how to live in it. And you know what? That can be surprisingly challenging. Because peace requires trust. You got to start trusting that everything doesn't need fixing and that every quiet moment isn't the calm before the storm. You got to trust that life doesn't always have to feel difficult in order to be meaningful, or that maybe the journey to getting what you want doesn't have to be tough either. We don't always have to have a Ragsta Riches story, or I climbed the mountain to get their story. And perhaps that's where the real work begins. Not creating peace, but receiving it, allowing it, trusting it, and living inside of it. I think some people spend years trying to reach peace and then they don't quite know what to do when they get there. So if you've ever found yourself creating problems where none existed, or you've ever sabotaged something good, or you've ever felt strangely uncomfortable when life settled down, maybe peace isn't the problem. Perhaps you're simply adjusting to a way of living that's unfamiliar. Unfamiliar doesn't mean wrong. It sometimes just simply means new. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear what landed for you. And if somebody came to mind while you were listening, send it their way. You never know who might need to hear it. Now, if you'd like to support the podcast and continue the conversation, you can find everything at psychicwisperspodcast.com. Thank you so much for spending this time with me. Until next time, trust your path, honor your truth, and always keep listening.