The Universe Doesn’t Always Give You What You Want

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Have you ever been convinced that one relationship, one job, one opportunity, or one decision would change everything… only for life to say “no”?

In this episode, I’m talking about what happens when life doesn’t unfold the way we’d hoped.

We’ll explore manifestation, expectations, disappointment, and why not getting what we want doesn’t always mean we’ve failed or that the Universe has stopped listening.

Instead, I’ll share why I believe life isn’t about having every wish granted, but about learning to recognise possibility—even when the path looks very different from the one we imagined.

If you’ve ever questioned your path, felt left behind, or wondered why everyone else seems to be getting the life you hoped for, I hope this conversation reminds you that your story isn’t finished yet.

Sometimes life doesn’t give us what we want…

But it might just be making room for something we never thought to ask for.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello, and welcome to the Psychic Whispers Podcast. Hello. My name is Messina Sanders Gittens, and I've worked as a psychic medium for over 30 years. But around here, I talk about far more than just intuition. I talk about life, the messy, funny, and even painful bits that we all get ourselves tangled up in. Those moments that make absolutely no sense until one day, somehow, they do. Now, if you're new here, I am so glad you found me. And if you've been listening for a while, hi, welcome back. It's so good to have you here. Now, have you ever wanted something so badly that you were convinced your entire happiness depended on it? You know, that relationship or that house, that job, that friendship, that opportunity, maybe somebody walking back into your life, or maybe someone staying in your life. You prayed for it, you manifested it, cried over it, overthought it, probably talked your best friend's ear off about it, and you became completely convinced that this was the missing piece. And then you didn't get it. Or it disappeared. Or someone chose differently. Or life simply said, uh, no. Today, I want to talk about that. I think we've accidentally created this idea that if we're spiritual enough, if we manifest hard enough, if we journal enough, visualize enough, and keep our vibration high enough, well, the universe will eventually hand us exactly what we've asked for. But can we talk about that for a minute? You know, I think manifestation has become one of the most misunderstood concepts out there. Somewhere along the way, we've gone from setting intentions and believing in possibilities to believing that we can place an order with the universe like it's some sort of cosmic Amazon prime. And then when it doesn't arrive, we don't question the idea. We question ourselves. Oh, maybe I didn't believe enough, or maybe my vibration wasn't high enough. Maybe I attracted the wrong thing. And that is an awful lot of pressure to put on yourself. Now, don't get me wrong, I absolutely believe that our mindset matters. I also believe in manifestation. I think what we believe influences how we show up in the world a hundred percent. If you're open to opportunities, you're more likely to notice them. If you believe that everything is hopeless, you'll probably miss the doors that are opening right in front of you. But that's very different from believing the universe exists to deliver everything on your wish list. What about timing? What about other people's choices? What about the opportunities you never even knew existed because one door closed and another opened? Life is so much more complicated than that. And honestly, I'm really glad it is. Now, before anybody panics, I am not saying every awful thing happens for a reason. Okay. I know that's a sentence people throw around because they're trying to comfort someone. But if you've just lost someone in love or your whole world has fallen apart, hearing everything happens for a reason usually doesn't help. You know, it can even feel insulting. Life just isn't always neat. Sometimes, you know, terrible things happen. Sometimes wonderful things happen. Sometimes people make really selfish choices. Sometimes we do. Other times timing is dreadful. And sometimes it's perfect. I mean, life is complicated, right? But here's what I've noticed. Life has this incredible way of revealing the meaning of something years after you stopped asking why it happened. That's really different, isn't it? Some of the biggest lessons I've learned through this work isn't actually from communicating with people on the other side. It's from sitting with thousands of people over three decades and watching their stories continue on. You know, somebody comes to see me absolutely heartbroken because a relationship has ended. They're devastated. They're having trouble sleeping and eating. They genuinely believe they've lost the love of their life. Fast forward a few years later, they come back, they're married, maybe they've had a family, or they've discovered a version of themselves they never knew existed. And they can reflect back and laugh and say, Do you remember how upset I was over that person? I'm like, yes. Yes, I do. Because at the time, it felt like the end of the world. Well, then there are people who desperately wanted a particular job. They didn't get it. They're furious, embarrassed, questioning themselves. Months or years later, you know, they're doing something they love even more. Or they've met people they never would have met. Or maybe they've started a business because that rejection pushed them somewhere completely different. You know, it's fascinating. While we're living through something, we only ever get to see one version of reality. And that's our own. You know, we never get to meet the version of ourselves who got exactly what we wanted. And I think we forget that. We imagine that life as though it's perfect. You know, we think if I married them, if I had got that promotion, if we'd have bought that house, you know, if they'd have stayed. But what we're doing is we're comparing our real life to an imaginary one. Think about it. You know, imaginary lives are brilliant because they don't include arguments or debt or stress or regret or burnout or all the ordinary little problems that come with, you know, real life. We tend to edit that. We create the highlight reel. So of course it looks better because it isn't real. I'm not suggesting we all live in a fantasy, but when we visualize things working out, we have a really good outcome in our mind. Not necessarily the actual possibility of what that might look like. I mean, I remember desperately wanting things that when I look back now would have probably set my life in a completely different direction. You know, at the time I couldn't understand why they weren't happening. Maybe I questioned myself a couple of times. I mean, I can look back and say, I did that for sure. Was I doing something wrong? Was I somehow failing? And then, you know, life carried on. Years passed. And eventually I look back and thought, oh, thank God. Isn't it funny how we end up saying that? Thank God they said no. Thank God that relationship ended. Thank God I didn't get that job. Thank God that plan fell apart. At the time, I'd have argued with anyone who suggested it. Now, you know, I'd never swap the life those disappointments eventually led me towards. But here's the thing. I don't want you to listen to this episode and think I'm telling you to just accept whatever life throws at you, because that's not what I'm saying at all. I am not saying, well, you know, the universe knows best, so just smile and move on. Actually, I think that's quite disempowering, if I'm honest. And what I'm saying is that when life doesn't go the way we planned, we have far more influence over what happens next than we often realize. You can't always choose what happens to you, but you can choose what happens because of you. And that's a different perspective. When a door closes, most of us become obsessed with a door. We stare at it, we replay it, we wonder how we could have kept it open. We convince ourselves that everything we wanted was on the other side of it. Meanwhile, life's over there quietly opening other doors, side gates, and entirely different roads, and we're too busy grieving the one door that closed to notice them. I've done it, I'm sure you have too. We become so attached to one outcome that we just stop looking for any others. So these days, whenever life doesn't give me what I wanted, I try to ask myself three questions. Just FYI. It's not because I always have the answers, but because they stop me spiraling. So the first question is what story am I telling myself about this? You know, usually the thing that hurts us most isn't actually what happened, it's the meaning we've attached to it. I didn't get the job, so I must not be good enough. They left me. So maybe I'm the problem. Maybe I'm unlovable. My business isn't growing. So I failed. Those are stories, not facts. The second question I ask, what opportunities am I missing because I'm staring at the closed door? I love this question because it forces me to lift my head. So some perspective. Maybe that relationship ending gave you the freedom to meet somebody who is a much better fit. Maybe not getting that job pushes you towards starting something of your own. Maybe this disappointment is creating space for something that you haven't even considered yet. That does not mean that disappointment isn't real because it is. But disappointment and possibility can exist at the same time. Okay, here's my favorite question. Last one. Who is this experience asking me to become? Notice I didn't ask, what am I gonna get from this? I asked, who am I becoming? Because that's where your power is. Maybe it's asking you to become more resilient or it's asking you to set better boundaries. Maybe it's asking you to trust yourself instead of waiting for somebody else to choose you. Maybe it's asking you to finally back yourself. You see, I think we've spent far too long believing that happiness comes from getting everything that we want. I just don't think that's true. I think happiness comes from becoming someone who knows they'll be okay, even when life goes off script, becoming someone who can adapt or who can pivot, who doesn't see every setback as proof that they're on the wrong path. Because here's what I've learned. Sometimes nothing good comes from the thing that happened until you decide to create something good because it happened. I want you to hear that in your mind again for a second. Sometimes nothing good comes from the thing that happened until you decide to create something good because it happened. That's where your power lives. Not in controlling every outcome, but in deciding what you'll build with the pieces that life has handed you. I think that's far more empowering than believing you have to perfectly manifest every single thing that you want. Because nobody gets everything they ask for. No one. But every single one of us gets to decide who we become along the way. So here's something else I've noticed. Sometimes life gives you exactly what you wanted. And that's the lesson. That's sometimes when you get to discover, oh, that wasn't it. We have all done that too. We bought the thing, got the promotion, moved house, reached the goal, only to realize we're still us. We're still carrying the same fears, needing to do the same inner work, because no achievement can do that for us. So whether life says yes or life says no, there's usually something to learn. You know, not because you're being tested or because you failed spiritually, but because life has a funny way of showing us exactly what actually matters. If you're listening today and you're grieving something you didn't get, I don't want to tell you it's all gonna make sense tomorrow because it might not. It might take years. And right now, you're allowed to be disappointed. You're allowed to be angry, you're allowed to even wonder why. But maybe, just maybe leave a tiny bit of space for the possibility that the story isn't finished yet, that this chapter is not the ending, that there are people you haven't met, places you haven't even been yet, versions of yourself you haven't grown into. And if there's one thing 30 years of watching people's lives unfold has taught me, it's this some of life's greatest gifts arrive disguised as rejection. I know rejection doesn't feel good. It doesn't. But it does nudge us onto the roads we'd never have chosen ourselves. So, you know, maybe instead of asking, why didn't I get what I wanted, ask yourself, what has this made possible? You might not have the answer today, but one day you just might. Now, before we finish, I want to say one more thing about manifestation. I can hear some of you out there already listening, thinking, well, does manifestation work or not? Like, fair enough. Personally, I still believe it does. I really do. I just don't think it always works in the way we've been led to believe. I don't think the universe is sitting there taking orders, taking things off a shopping list and deciding whether we've been positive enough to deserve them. I think manifestation starts with clarity. Sometimes we ask for a specific person when what we're really longing for is love. We ask maybe for one particular job when what we actually want is purpose, security, or freedom. We ask for one particular house when what we're really searching for is the feeling of finally being home. There are times we are so attached to one version of how our life should unfold that we kind of accidentally close ourselves off to something that could fulfill that desire in an even better way. So I don't want today's conversation to discourage you from dreaming, from setting intentions, or from believing in what's possible. If anything, I'd encourage you to become even more curious. But ask yourself, what is it that I'm truly trying to experience? What feeling am I really searching for? And am I open to life bringing it to me in a way that I haven't even imagined yet? There are times we get exactly what we asked for, and other times we get exactly what we need. And every now and then, those turn out to be the very same thing. Keep your manifestations open to the universe's interpretation of what you might be actually needing right now. And think about the things that you're asking for and delve a little deeper into the essence of what those things are. What is it really? What's the heart of what you need or want? What is that core telling you? Because that is the energy that the universe is really reading. Or maybe you don't fully know how that could be fulfilled. And you're just reaching for something that looks like it's kind of close in that direction. And there are times when if we're not entirely sure, we're not going to get what we want either. If I truly believe that manifestation guaranteed, we'd get everything we wanted. I'd also have to believe that other people's choices don't matter, but they do. If you want a relationship with someone who doesn't want one with you, their free will matters. If you're applying for one job alongside 200 other people, other people's paths matter too. We don't live in isolation. We are constantly weaving our lives together. I think we should get less hung up on the exact thing and more caught up in the absolute energy of what we're trying to create. Think about the ideal world you want to live in. What do the things look like for you? Where does the freedom live? Where is the happy? Where's the joy? What are the things that you're doing that feel meaningful and give you purpose? When we script out a life that's open to possibilities, the universe has a far greater chance of meeting our needs than if we're just hoping on something too specific. So be open. I think that's going to heighten and strengthen your manifestation and your intention setting so much more than anything else you're doing. And if today's conversation gave you something to think about, I would love to hear from you. If you're looking for a place where these conversations continue beyond the podcast, you are always welcome to join me at psychicwisperspodcast.com. It's a lovely little community where we explore these topics in even more depth and where you're helping to keep Psychic Whispers actually going. And you can also find everything else I do, including readings at psychic-whispers.com. Thank you, as always, for giving me your time. I know it's one of the most valuable things we have. And I never, ever take that for granted. Take care of yourself this week. Be kind to yourself if life hasn't gone the way you'd hoped. And remember, sometimes the path that makes the least sense today becomes the one you're most grateful for tomorrow or even in the years ahead of you. Now, until next time, trust your path, honor your truth, and always keep listening.