Why Even Happy Relationships Change

Why do so many people believe that if a relationship changes, something must be wrong?

In this episode of Psychic Whispers, I’m exploring one of the biggest myths about love—that healthy relationships should stay the same forever.

Drawing on thirty years of listening to people’s stories as a psychic medium, we’ll talk about why every relationship moves through different seasons, why change doesn’t always mean the end, and how growth can sometimes strengthen a relationship rather than weaken it.

Whether you’ve been together for six months or sixty years, I hope this episode reminds you that love isn’t about standing still—it’s about learning how to grow alongside one another.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello and welcome to the Psychic Whispers Podcast. Hello and welcome back to Psychic Whispers. Now, today I want to talk to you about relationships. Because if there's one main thing that people tend to come to me for over these years, besides just mediumship, it is advice and guidance on their relationships. And over these years, I have learned a lot in this arena of life. When the conversation comes up and people start talking about relationships changing, it usually comes with this tone of things being possibly a bad sign, as if change just automatically means something is wrong. But after all these years of talking to people about their lives, their marriages, their families, their hopes, and even their heartbreaks, I am not going to tell you that that's true. I think change is actually one of the healthiest things a relationship can do. The problem isn't that relationships change. It's that we expect them not to. I'm hearing you right now. You're like Messina, but I am hoping for change in my relationships, or I've been in relationships where all I did was hope for change. And I know that I wasn't expecting things to stay the same. I wanted them to be something else. I hear you. But in all honesty, there is a deep part of us that takes change as a warning signal, as an uncomfortability. And actually, as much as we would like to idealize change, the reality is that change and things staying the same becomes its own familiar anchor and a bit of a comfort for all of us. I mean, when you think about fairy tales, everything ends with, and they lived happily ever after. That's where the story stops. Real life starts there. And people change, jobs shift, children arrive, parents get older, health changes, dreams change. And obviously, relationships are going to change in all of that too. I think we do a lot of comparing our relationship from the early phase to the mid-phase to the end phase. And I think there isn't a single soul that I've ever spoken to that hasn't referenced the way things used to be. You know, those early years are so formative and they forge such a lot of bonding when a relationship is functioning and aligning in the right way. And of course, what we want to do is just hold that forever. This is great. We get along amazingly well. We have all these things in common and everything's bliss. And it's great. And I love that because those years allow us to really forge those feelings and really gather the foundations that the relationship will build itself on. But that's just one season, one period of time. And then life takes us to another chapter. And life perhaps takes you into, you know, we're moving, we're we've had a family. And the evolution of our lives and the way things roll begins to interfere or come into the play in how we interact with each other. You know, sometimes you're building or just surviving. Sometimes we are reconnecting. Or there are times when you're just really trying to get through a difficult year together. And all of those things add and should add to the relationship. They should bring us back. I always say to people, look, don't judge your relationship on the what when it's great, because that's the easy part. Start to think about what happens when the two of you face challenges. When life gets a bit tough, how do you both show up for each other? That's the real test in any relationship. And those external life factors, they start to test those other boundaries, right? They start to stretch the relationship to a place where those early years, maybe they did. Maybe there were things that happened to you both during those times. But those ease of getting to know each other, that ease of connection really starts to get a little grungier the more we go on and the more life begins to evolve us as a couple or as two people connected. Because this isn't always just about partnership. This can always be about family too, or friendships. And all of those things that we go through in our lives are individual processes of jobs and of evolution of our careers and our life path and our families and the growth that we do as people. That's the growing part that we should all be experiencing. And growth? Well, let me tell you, it's not always comfortable. In fact, it's rarely comfortable. Growth takes a lot. It takes a lot of, you know, getting to know you and the process of what I want and what I'm evolving to. And how did this experience shape me? And what did this do in my heart, my mind, and my connection to things in life? Growth is a messy, messy process. And here's what happens in growth between two people. Sometimes one of you grows first. Sometimes one of you begins to go, right, I'm going in this direction. I've got a lot of goals. I'm achieving a lot of things. And the other one just stays stagnant for a bit, just stays a little bit in their own zone. It's a completely different pace. Sometimes people grow in different directions for a while. Things drift away from each other. They're growing in separate places. They're both growing at the same time, but it's just not necessarily in the same space. Life gets busy. I mean, life just does get busy. There are times when you lose yourself in that busyness or even in the silence. There are times when you find yourself again and you go, aha, light bulb, there I am. And I'm rediscovering who I am all over again, all the while being connected to somebody else. And the changes are not always the problem. It's asking the right question in any given relationship. So instead of saying has the relationship changed, because of course it should, it should be changed. But here's the real question Are we willing to keep meeting each other where we are now instead of expecting each other to stay where we used to be? That is the difference between change evolving and growing together, and change making us drift apart. I think there's this enormous pressure that we put on ourselves. It's so easy to compare ourselves or our relationships to others, our parents, our best friends, our siblings, you know, other people that we just see in the world, other people on, you know, I don't even know, sometimes social media. We get into this rut of believing that maybe everyone else has everything figured out or they're doing well. There's a lot to be said about appearances and people keeping their business very much to themselves. Trust me, some of the readings that I have been the most surprised by, in fact, I can tell you, I did a reading party once, many, many moons ago. I don't do these now, by the way, but I did uh for people that I knew. And the one couple that everybody had been coming to me first in the reading, their own individual reading. Everyone was private. And they, every single woman that came to me first, because it was a girls' thing, they all said, I want a relationship like that. I want a relationship like hers. I want a relationship like hers. Not one of them hadn't come in and referenced this person's relationship. Okay. That woman with said relationship, it was her turn. And I remember sitting down with her and we did the reading, and she opened up to me all of these ways in which she was very unsettled in her relationship. All of the ways in which things had shifted in her relationship and changed to a point where she didn't really recognize her husband anymore, and she was really unsure about the future of the relationship. And all of this uncertainty was just riding on her shoulders. Meanwhile, every other woman in that room wanted to have what she had. Now, this is not a story about her not being grateful for what she did have. This is that reality of appearances versus what's really going on behind closed doors, because we don't always know. And I think when we start comparing ourselves to so many other people or comparing ourselves to these other couples that we think are performing better than ourselves at home, I definitely think that we are kind of kidding ourselves, thinking that they're not facing the same stuff that we are, because ultimately people are going through their own hardships and their own good times and their own things. And people grow in our own way. I think when you start arguing with your loved ones, you instantly think that this is a failure. Distance between you means that's it, it's over. We can jump to our conclusions really quickly. And I am here as a reminder not to do that. Stop. Because sometimes the people that you think have it all together really don't. Or at least they don't think they do. They're going through the same things as we are, just in their own way. Sometimes, guys, life has just been hard. And we need a minute to pick back up again as individuals and as a pair. So let me talk to you about some of the happiest couples that I have encountered over these years of reading for all of you beautiful people. They are not definitely the ones who never change. They're the ones who just keep getting curious about each other, meeting each other in these changes. Like, wow, you're doing this now. I love this. Talk to me about it. Let me learn more about you. There's this side of you I've never seen, you know, all the celebration, all the support of the journey that each person is on. They're the ones who allow each other to grow. They don't keep their partner in a box, expecting them to be the same person they've always been the whole time. These are the people who realize they're not, whether it's married or just connected, to the same person they met 20 years ago, and that they recognize that they're not the same person that they were 20 years ago, that things have cycled. Yeah, life happened. We evolved a lot. You know, they're recognizing the change in each other and appreciating what that's brought to the table. Now, I don't know about you, but there is something quite beautiful about that. I don't know why we expect ourselves to just stay in one spot. And I think deep down, if I asked any one of you, you'd say to me, of course I want to change. Of course I have changed. And of course I would want my partner to change. But you know, there is some insecurity about it. When the reality comes in and you go, Yeah, but you've always done this for me. But but that's always been this way between us. But this has always been the same. When we start to notice that things are being taken away or they're beginning to shift or they feel different, we easily panic. And you know, if you really thought about it, who would be the type of person that you would want to stick around with? The one who said, This is amazing. I love this new part of you. I love that you're doing that. Yes, go and learn something new. I support that. You would want to be with someone who was saying those things, who was interested and curious, maybe at the very baseline, just someone who says, go do it. Doesn't even have to follow you around, you know, asking a million questions and getting interested in every two minutes. You know, that might get annoying in its own right. But someone who says yes to the things that you sign yourself up to do, the ways that you want to grow. And I think when we really think about how we have restricted ourselves in order to keep peace, because I've seen that a lot in couples, especially, where we're ready to burst out and evolve like there's no tomorrow, and we feel like we've missed all this stuff, but we're scared because we're worried that our partner might suddenly reject the version of us that we would like to become. And so we we kind of keep ourselves in sp in place, even without realizing it. But you know, living under, I guess, this roof of trying not to rock a boat or make someone feel insecure, you know what it also does? It it inhibits their growth. It prevents our partners from evolving as much as it prevents us. Because if our partners had an opportunity to face those insecurities and realize that that doesn't have anything to do with losing us, or that they might even gain a better version of us, that they might even be able to change in ways that they want to change with. We allow them also to grow by giving ourselves permission to grow in our own way. As long as you are there to encourage your person to feel safe in your changes or say, hey, I don't know where this is going to lead us, but I would really love to do this for myself. This would mean a lot to me. Because the other side of not being able to have those hard conversations and deal with insecurities and allow ourselves to grow is that saying staying stagnant will ultimately just make you miserable. I've watched people just stay still. And after a while, they get to a point where they're either a bit depressed, if I'm honest, or they become resentful over their partners for preventing this growth, for sticking and staying in the same spot to make their partners feel okay. They begin to craft conflict because they're like, I'm resentful that my partner hasn't allowed me to grow in the way that I wanted to, and then I have stopped myself in order to make this continue to work. That belief that we have to be this way in order to make this work can really spell a doom and a gloom. Whether it means that we keep the relationship and that we're just not happy completely or completely fulfilled, or that eventually the relationship comes to conflict and eventually cycles out. Either way, we're doing ourselves and our partner a disservice by not allowing that to happen. But we would never think that that's what we were doing. We would never believe in a million years that we were harming the relationship's future. But I'm here to tell you that as someone who has looked into people's futures, who has talked with people through one space to their future, and who have seen people evolve and change in ways that didn't allow the growth and that they stayed still and then found themselves walking away from something that ultimately could have worked. I've seen this a lot. So change isn't the bad guy. Change can even create more happiness in our lives between people. It can even invite more opportunities to bond and fall more madly in love. I think we need to get a little bit on the sidepost of embracing each other's change and almost kind of supporting and egging it on in a way, because the more we grow, the more we have to bring to the table, the more experience we can bring to the table, the more feelings we can bring to the table, the more happy vibe we can bring to the table. And if it doesn't work out, we have someone there that's also willing to support us through the failures, the mistakes, the things that we go, oh, I shouldn't have done that. But I've learned something and I've grown from it. Boom. That's the secret. Next time somebody says, Wow, you've really changed, say, absolutely. 100%, I really hope so. Because how dull would life be if we just stayed the same? Absolutely not happening. You know, if your relationship, whether partnership, friendship, family relationship, it feels different to how it did five years ago, just don't immediately assume something's gone wrong. Ask some different questions. Like, who are we now? Where do we fit with each other? What do we need today that we didn't need back then? And there will be things that have been constant. There will be parts of you both and your dynamic that has anchored you in some way to each other. The loves that last the lifetime, they don't stay exactly the same. They just learn how to grow together. And I think that's one of the greatest love stories of all, you know, seeing somebody go from one space to another and being in a relationship where we celebrate growth. That's that's the difference. And that's the happy key. Those are the couples I have talked to that attest to their success, is just being there for each other through all these different versions of themselves. It's a wonderful thing, and it's a beautiful gift to give someone. And if you really love your person, then that's what you'll want for them. And hopefully that's what you'll want for you. Because it starts with you first, right? Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this time with me. I know how precious your time is, and I appreciate you so much. Now, as always, if you have enjoyed this conversation today, you can find more of me at psychic-whispers.com. And if you just love the podcast and you would like to go a little deeper or you just want to support the podcast, psychicwisperspodcast.com is the place you need to be. And I would love to hear from you. So send me some fan mail, send me some feedback, tell me what you're thinking about the show. And if there are any ideas that you have that you would love to see as a podcast episode here, let me in on it. I would love to hear it. Now, until next time, trust your path, honor your truth, and always keep listening.